Fries and Propaganda: Enter the vaGinger

Charlie's Kitchen, Cambridge, MA
Guest starring Shauna

g: I want a -- I was about to call it a vag!na, what's it called again? --

s: A vaGinger.

g: -- what she's having.

g: Can you make cheese fries?

waitress: Yep!

g: With cheddar?

w: Yep.

j: Can you do it with the waffle fries?

g: Wait, is that legal?

j: Oh, maybe not...

w: (weird look) I'm confused.

g: I know it seems weird. It's for Science.

w: Right, for science.

j: Also, can you get us a menu? She needs to see the menu.

g: Does it involve bacon?

j: Oh yes.

g: Does it involve double-entendres like the drink?

j: Every time I hear that I have to think "double entenuendre."

(time passes. Fries arrive.)

g: I'm seeing white cheese, here.

j: It has promising meltage and good distribution.

s: While you're talking about it it's gonna get cold!

j: It's for science!

s: Shouldn't part of the science be about the taste?

j: I amend: while the excessive salt is good, the meltage is uneven. Check out that uneven meltage. (points to unaltered cheese corner)

g: I'm not getting the salt, and the cheese is boring.

(Menu arrives. Almost everything on the page I've been presented with has bacon in it.)

g: Everything has bacon in it! Except the lobster roll. Why doesn't the lobster roll have bacon in it?

s: I'm sure it does.

j: Didn't you see the title?

g: (reads) "Bacon and More." No, I hadn't read the title.

j: Maybe that's why you only got twenty pages read today.

s: Yeah, the headers are useful.

g: I don't read the headers. All this cheese is mine. (takes a slice worth and its attendant fries)

j: She does this every time. Look at this distribution and standard deviation! (At this point, cheese covers half the fries and the other half lie naked.)

g: Get your qualitative methodologies off my cheese fries!

s: You mean quantitative methodologies.

g: Look, I've got half a vaGinger in me. That shit is really good with cheese fries!

(ed note: a vaGinger is two parts ginger ale, one part vanilla vodka, preferably Stoli. Garnish with a cherry.)

(second ed note: We ended the evening dumpster diving outside a freshly-closed Tower Records, a nationwide gig I highly recommend which will not be possible forever. A gang of teenage boys walked off with a crate of mystery CDs to be sold on eBay, while I found a price sticker gun and a hand-burned copy of William Shatner's spoken-word CD. Bakon got a stapler. There were lots of staplers. A guy who'd been hired to sell Monster Energy Drink came up asked to take a picture of us holding cans of the stuff, because he had to go out and prove he was pushing the drink on people. I put my arm around a bum who had joined in. In the picture, he gestured at his can of Monster with a sparkly-clean X-Acto knife he'd found by the dumpster. We hung out until the fuzz drove up, gave us the stink-eye, and said "Out.")

Posted by Gus at December 19, 2006 11:58 PM