(Not that I need to reinvent myself right now -- I was just being metacognitive as I read some stuff on intelligent agents, thinking about how it fits into what I want to do.)

My mother seems to be at a point where she could reconsider what she's up to -- where she wants to live, what to do with her time. It's interesting to watch her decide, as a member of a generation which thinks about careers in a very different, much less linear way. And yet I'm the one doing the linear thing at the moment. I'm deeply sunk in academia. It feels like I'm good at it, and like academia is the only place I'm going with my life.

This was certainly not my intent when I started out here. I wanted to work at Sesame Workshop when I graduated. I wanted to be doing something good for the world but be fun and creative at the same time. Now, of course, I've seen the inside of the Workshop and seen how few people there get to be creative, and unstoppable forces (BUSH ADMINISTRATION grumble grumble NCLB grouse mutter *spit*) have changed the atmosphere there for the worse; it's not someplace I want to be. Nor do I have the TV background to do what I want to there.

So my ideas of what I want to do have changed (thankfully -- it would be bad to come out of a major educational program not having changed your goals for your life, I think). But whether academia is where I am going is another question. Certainly it would be good to have one foot in academia. Chuck keeps pushing that. I think he likes the flexibility he gets here.

There was this kid at Hampshire who shortly after graduation went on to write a book about how people of our generation will run their careers differently, based on networking and reinvention. Which, if you look at employment patterns now and how much less linear they are than they were in, say, the fifties, rings true. I took this hype to heart, and so I'm aware it probably won't just be academia, for me.

Our program at TC doesn't lend itself to being purely academic, anyway. Actually, our program is profoundly schizophrenic. We have a handful of professors who want to give us an almost classical, canonical introduction to social theory, and who write screeds about how there should be departments of education ensconced in liberal arts graduate schools, which should not be subject to practical demands. And yet the highest degree our department offers is supposed to be a practitioner's degree -- an EdD. Which the president of our very own college has insisted is a useless degree which should be eliminated. Meanwhile our department putters along dreamily, sucking its sustenance out of the pockets of masters students who take classes in things like Dreamweaver and PowerPoint. A new wave of doctoral students would like to see us take our video game program to a more commercial level, with more emphasis on design. The professors they cozy up to are a different lot than the first set, with a healthy respect for both empiricism and qualitative work, but a skill set which helps students lay more groundwork for thoroughly academic careers than ones which bridge the gap into industry. And then, there's Prof. Taylor. (Paint chips?!??!)

What my department probably needs is a retreat at which it can think hard about what it wants to be, like the one I participated in at Hampshire in my penultimate year there. Thankfully, Hampshire acclimatized me to such disconnect amongst stakeholders in an educational program, so I'm not really shaken by the ground moving under my feet at TC. (Hampshire: Students think it's either for activism or smoking pot. Greg Prince thought it was for synergy and entrepreneurialism. The founders thought it was to counteract fascism, genocide, and doomsday technologies. The faculty think it's for Marxist scholarship. College counsellors think it's for the students who can't make it anyplace else. John Zorn thought it was for Frisbee, and he was right! Jacob Chabot thought it was for comics, and he was wrong! The compost heap thinks it's for healthy amounts of unused organic kale, and is never disappointed! I digress...)

In all this chaos I'm probably getting most of what I need, so long as I work to fill in some gaps (industry experience, etc). I'm still aware, though, that when I graduate and go looking for a job I am probably going to have to rethink everything. I'm going to have to give up projects that are important to me, and think of myself in a different way.

I've done this a couple of times since college. Look, I'm an afterschool teacher! Look, I'm a media analyst! Look now -- I'm an activist! I'm a freelance writer! A journalist! A professional video game player! The problem with this is it frequently ends up significantly disrupting my interpersonal relationships, as I rethink (or fail to think about) what kind of support and complementary activities I need in my life. I wish there was a way to avoid that.

One way or another I'm not particularly looking forward to the shock of leaving this department, which is one of the most nurturing places I've ever been (certainly the most supportive place I know of in New York!)