In high school I was briefly obsessed with The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, as I imagine many artsy types were. At the time my excitement about the poem had much to do with Eliot's reputation and my ability to grok his stuff, but it was the sound and imagery of the poem that set my love of the poem in motion. My head was filled with its louder music -- shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers and walk upon the beach -- to the extent that the sense of the quieter phrases (how should I presume? That is not it, at all.) were drowned out.

I read it again today and realized how little of the poem I had understood. In fact, I think its specific meaning escaped me entirely. From the context of an English class where I was struggling to be the best student, I conceived of Prufrock as struggling some overarching goal of artistic self-fulfillment, as I was. I somehow guessed Eliot was tilting at his own poetry.

Today Eliot's actual intent seems poignantly obvious to me. It's strange. It's not like I didn't have love on my mind when I first read it. Far from it; I used to beat myself up over how much more I thought about my love life than my schoolwork. I guess I just never thought to ask "do I dare?" Of course I dared. I dared; obviously I was going to succeed. Something I was doing was proving quite successful with men, though I understood it about as well as I understood Prufrock.

(There was no question about success in beginnings. The compelling question was whether any given romance was worth forcing through its crises. The question has endured and is my undoing.)

Let us go then, you and I
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells;
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit.

but I think I get it now. maybe I get it now.