I'm sick and tired of waiting around to get famous before someone asks me what my favorite album/food/book/human trait is!

I found this in my hamp account. It's one of those obnoxious forward-polls that people send around, which I filled out but never sent to anyone because I'm trying to cut down on cluttering others' mailboxes, especially with self-important tripe. I'm working right now on curricula for early childhood, and it's funny to me how much this poll is like the self-esteem and self-awareness activities people suggest for toddlers (imagine this written in fingerpaint on big pre-cut cat-head-shaped pieces of construction paper bound together with yarn and titled, "All About ME!", no?)

NAME: G. Andrews

SEX: sex, or gender?

AGE: 23

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJI BOARDS: It's funny that they made
passive-agression into a game.

YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?: I do not endorse anything that already has a
sickeningly large advertising budget to promote itself. So, ignoring the
fact that I cannot be pulled away from the local Fox affiliate between 7
and 10 PM on Sundays, or Sci Fi when MST3K is in reruns, let's just say
Iron Chef.

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS:I live in a dilapidated 1920s-era house in a
semigentrified part of Queens. I am housesitting for a
professor who, by dint of fate, has become a sort of extended family
member. Two goldfish, two finches, two hermit crabs, and a bunch of poltergeists share the space with me.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: MC Escher's "Drawing Hands"

FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Harper's

FAVORITE SMELL: Some combination of clean active people, the papaya
shampoo an ex-boyfriend used to use, impending rain, and the foliage of
Caltech in early summer.

FAVORITE COLOR: Purple

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Yesterday I wrote this:

"It must be like having a racehorse. First of
all, there's some kinds of horse who just won't run their best if they're
alone on the track. They lollygag around ogling the stands, and the
stalls, and the palm trees around the track. My horse doesn't hit her
stride until her nemeses are gaining on her, just like some corny Black
Stallion scenario climaxing in a race with a mystery horse from overseas.
These ones aren't mysteries. Their names are Deadline, and Career, Debt,
and Mr.MediaEstablishment.

But god it feels good when she puts her neck into it, grabs the bit in her
teeth and runs. I am writing, and it's all words and in my head, but I can
feel the balance of it. It's a kendo balance, an architectural balance --
physics and art. I watch the words fly away under the cadence of my
pounding, don't keep track of my splits."

Some other day I would say something else. Usually feeling unloved and
misunderstood ranks high up there on my list of bad feelings. Feeling
competent at anything makes everything else feel good.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING-
"Goddamn it, I have to go to work again. I have nothing but hate."

ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING? Terrifying. I hate being out of
control of my body.

PEN OR PENCIL? Nowadays, pen.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? One

FUTURE SON'S NAME: Caleb, Lucas, Gilman Blake, or Riddley Walker. That's if I have kids, mind you. (I've been meaning to write about that lately. think I will soon.)

FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Octavia, Ruby, Cora, or (Eu)dora. Or Whoopi.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Pistachio.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE: Oh god yes. Being a Californian without a car is
not a state of being I intend to slip back into. I do tend to get in the
car, turn on the AC and local Spanish-language station, idle the motor and have this awful feeling that I am wasting money and finite natural resources just by sitting there. But I grew up among old Packards and
Cords and Lamborghinis-- my father was never without a
partially-disassembled one in the garage-- and can't get over the surreal
beauty of old cars. We have to destroy them, because they are killing us,
but I am going to mourn when we do.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? Lots. Right now for some reason
the ones I'm sleeping with are all about the size of my fist.

STORMS - COOL OR SCARY: Cool. All-heat-lightning storms exempted.

IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? I just
wish Eqbal Ahmad were still around, so I could pick his brain and
let him know that I really did have more to do than just stand around watching my laundry spin in the Greenwich dryer. It scares me a little
that he is gone.

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN: Eat At Joe's

ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOVIE: UHF has been way up there since I watched it
again last June. No -- wait -- Nausicaa supplanted it last fall. Um... and
Michael Moore deserves mad props for the way he can make you feel like
you're watching a trapeze act instead of an interview in a documentary... I
don't tend to have lasting favorites of anything. I'm too much of a
dilettante.

ALL-TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER(S) FROM A MOVIE: Nausicaa, and Thomas
Builds-The-Fire from Smoke Signals.

FAVORITE BAND: David Byrne can do absolutely no wrong, in my eyes.

ALL-TIME FAVORITE SONG: I prefer Glenn Miller's "String of Pearls" to dance to, and I have to mention They Might Be Giants somewhere, so "Moving To The Sun" and "She's an Angel." At one point, it was "Do You
Know The Way To San
Jose?" (yes. that Do You Know The Way To San Jose.)

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? I should.

DO YOU LIKE SPINACH? yes.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Right now my
goal is to find a job that will pay me to think out loud and move mighty
pieces of information around. And be creative in a variety of media.

IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Catalina
Island, with a dedicated T1 connection at least. Alas, they ain't nothin
there but tourists and transplanted buffalo.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Half
iridescent silver, half purple.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? I am greedy and have finished it
off by now! You are too late!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? I will not endorse anything with a
blah blahblah yackitty yak. And I have pledged jihad on anyone who advances the cause of presweetened tea.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SLURPEE FLAVOR? Ass. See previous.

ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Right hand, left wing.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? I hope not much. A few stray stuffed animals, a
shoe belonging to the last girl who lived in my room, and probably
monsters from Laurie Nisonoff's childhood. Like, Joe McCarthy, maybe.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? Infinity. Or maybe four.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: The Edel twins
are going to make the best husbands/"life partners" on earth. I wouldn't
pimp out my sisters to just anyone, you know.

And then I added some:

Favorite food: Miso soup with scallion and tofu!

Favorite human traits: Pathos and hypocrisy!

Would you rather have no arms or no legs?: I used to say no legs without
question, but nowadays I do so much dancing...

Favorite comic: Anything with a penguin.

Favorite inside joke: "CUSTARD AND BEEF! APPLES AND ONIONS! COFFEE
AND PIE! FROM THE SAME SPIGOT!"

* * * * *

Well, now. Wasn't that enlightening?

I saw Moxy Fruvous play at the Bottom Line last night. Damn their energy is unbelievable. They started with "Michigan Militia" and continued through what was it, THREE encores?!, one of which was a medley of Take A Walk On the Wild Side, Dancing Queen, Angel of Harlem, and I do believe it was introduced with a spoken-word rendition of Do You Know The Way To San Jose? as performed by a Lou Reed impostor. Or maybe I'm confusing things, because they also did covers of Do You Believe In Life After Love?, You're Gonna Lose That Girl, and oh good lord I can't remember what-all else. If anyone has boots of these I would love to hear 'em.

Posted by Gus at July 27, 2000 01:51 PM